


cup knocked off the table

by CampionSayn



Series: February Prompts 2020 [28]
Category: DC Extended Universe, DCU, Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Bruce gets burned, Bruce gets called out, Gen, Harley as a responsible adult, Slice of Life, multiverse crossing, the answer to THE QUESTION
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23006767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CampionSayn/pseuds/CampionSayn
Summary: Harley wrote a list. And it's a GOOD, IMPORTANT list.
Relationships: Batman & Robin - Relationship, Harley Quinzel & Joan Leland
Series: February Prompts 2020 [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621750
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	cup knocked off the table

Honestly, she hadn’t laughed so hard in months and Joan _(as well as the interns)_ were a little hesitant to approach, but it was certainly better than becoming involved in the conversation the three sets of alternate universe Batmen and their little legion of birds were having.  
  
Still, she wandered over to where Harley was collapsed on the ground, almost breathless after one of the Robins _(slightly brattier than the one from their universe and considerably less serious than the one hanging at the edge of his group next to his Nightwing)_ had asked his Batman to enlighten him when he could start having sex if he had to wait around for an arch-nemesis.  
  
It seemed like this was a conversation they’d had before if the look on his Batman’s face was anything to go by _(not much, but even Batman couldn’t control blushing without a little prep time)_ and he wasn’t looking forward to giving any sort of answer.  
  
Which was why he had gone mute and the Robin had continued to stare at him, the other Batman and the other Birds as well.  
  
Commissioner Gordon looked far less pleased about the entire situation when the Arkham doctors had shown up with (their own) Harley dragging an Ivy that had been looking for (her) Harley, as well as carrying a small human that said his name was Doctor Psycho that none of them were familiar with, but couldn’t leave him alone in the Asylum for obvious reasons.  
  
Just in time to hear (not their) Robin ask _that_ question.  
  
“At least she can still laugh, that’s gotta be something,” Hiro acknowledged, remaining on the edge of the rooftop and trying his best to pretend he wasn’t taking in as many details of the Bat-Signal as possible while Becky remained with Kate next to the still tied up trespassers—both of them quite disturbed when (not their) Harley finally stopped laughing so hard. The shaking had caused some of her new stitches to pop along her neckline and had started bleeding into her (for once) white blouse.  
  
Joan offered up a handkerchief and Harley undid some of the buttons on her blackcoat, mopping up the blood and taking a breath, other hand fishing out a small slip of paper all her little duckies had become familiar with in recent months.  
  
A storage seal Klarion had sold her for an old memory that could hold up to six tons of physical matter on the inside.  
  
To date, they had only seen her use it once to drop a small lake into the Iceberg Lounge when Black Mask wanted to pull a hostile takeover and they’d all been having drinks after she’d dragged the lot of them—plus her kids—to the gym and some minor training on rooftops.  
  
(She could say whatever she wanted; Joan was more than happy to learn if it meant she could keep poking at that soft spot Harley had shown for them.)  
  
Once most of the blood was mopped up and Harley handed the handkerchief back to Joan—as well as a lighter so she could burn it—she took a more steadying breath and tapped the paper in a certain order along the symbols impressed into the red and black signs.  
  
It flickered deep blue light once and then spat out a small laminated set of papers Harley caught easily in her other hand; the paper returning inert before she slipped it back into a pocket nobody dared guess the location of.  
  
Then she, quite literally, whistled like a tea kettle towards the Robin that made the hilarious inquiry.  
  
“Hey, brat, here’s your answer if you want it~”  
  
Needless to say, that got (not their) Robin bounding over the rooftop like a shot.  
  
Followed slightly more sedately by the other two Robins, two Nightwings, (their) Red Robin, and the Batman that had been asked the question.  
  
The Young Justice teammates that had been with (their) Red Robin near the Bat-Signal remained stationary, along with the rest of the group, but boy did Blue Beetle and Lagoon Boy look like they wanted to see.  
  
But they wouldn’t approach yet. They had gotten used to the antics of Gotham since Stephanie had fought Ocean Master and, quite frankly, if it had to do with Harley and anything near her territory, plus Arkham, they were better staying out of it until Red Robin gave them the A-Okay.  
  
A wise decision, Joan felt, as the lead Robin snatched the stack of papers out of Harley’s hand and started going over the words like they would lead him to the Holy Grail.  
  
….Then he slowed, smile slipping downwards, flipping the pages in annoyance.  
  
“This is a list.”  
  
“Yep,” Harley smiled, dry and helping Joan burn the handkerchief as she couldn’t get the sparkwheel on the lighter to turn right, “You can start having sex when you can honestly fill out at least one-third of the boxes among those questions. But the red underlined ones can’t be skipped, and your first partner has to pass, too.”  
  
“There’s a hundred and twenty-five questions in this!”  
  
“Flip it over, kid,” (Their) Red Robin suggested, tilting his head to get a better look at some of the questions, but already thoroughly impressed with what he’d already seen.  
  
“One-eighty-three,” one of the other Robins noted, snatching the list from the beet red other, and letting (their) Robin and both Nightwings have a look, “Which shouldn’t be a big deal. The son of Batman should be able to accomplish every question.”  
  
“Honey,” Harley rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the rooftop edge not too far and not too close to the tied up villains beside her interns, “Not even Batman has managed all of those questions.”  
  
The closest Batman (not theirs) looked about as offended as they’d ever seen (one), “I beg your pardon?”  
  
“Numbers 27, 55, 123 and 180.”  
  
  
The affronted Batman took up the pages, looked them over…and then seemed to droop a little before handing the paper to one of the Nightwings (not theirs), “Can I get a copy of this?”  
  
“And me?” (Their) Red Robin, Robin and Nightwing echoed, followed almost like seagulls by literally everyone else giving the pages a look over, cringing, and then getting a determined look on their face.  
  
Joan held up a hand for them, the voice of reason and the buffer Harley had come to appreciate when she was exhausted and surrounded by heroes that just kept pestering her, “I’m sure Commissioner Gordon has a copy machine you can use while you get to the matter of doing…whatever it was you all came here to do. Isn’t that right, Commissioner?”  
  
The confused looking man that had been growing more and more awkward over the last ten minutes nodded, waving at the Nightwing (theirs) that was holding the list, “Just print on both sides, we’re short on paper until my secretary makes a store run later.”  
  
“Thanks, Jim,” (their) Batman nodded agreeably, motioning for Nightwing to probably make copies for literally everyone there.  
  
The young man in blue and black disappeared down the staircase, but (their) Batman wasn’t done, looking over at Harley with a little tilt of his head, “Might I ask why you have this?”  
  
Harley, in that moment, vaguely reminded Joan of that internet meme where the cat knocks over a cup while looking directly at their owner, completely unapologetic, “Because you’re an idiot and can’t say anything yourself about using protection or sex in general.”  
  
She pointed at (their) Robin and smiled with all of her teeth.  
  
Red Robin broke the tension about ten seconds later, thank fucking Christ, “That’s fair.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so fucking late with the February prompts that I kind of just dug this out of old drafts and expanded it in an hour. The last of the collection will hopefully be much, much longer.


End file.
